Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
