I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
