so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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