She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
