Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
