Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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