Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
