Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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