i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
