Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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