So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
