I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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