"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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