Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
