So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
