oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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