Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
