Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
zippers are such a cool invention
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry about my life...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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