HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
