Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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