can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do herpes really smell.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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