So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You may now shotgun with the bride
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
