I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
