dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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