she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
