I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
