he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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