So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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