he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
