Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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