every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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