hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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