Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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