I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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