You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
