but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
