Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
