he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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