No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
