I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
