Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
