cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
