The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
