Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
