Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
