Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
