so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
