If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
