Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
