I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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