Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
